My surgery journey with God
God winks – we had an appointment at the dentist for Jc as the dentist was examining him, he reached back & massaged his neck a bit. The dentist “asked are you ok?” Jc said “we were in a car accident and my neck still hurts because of it.” Right before we left the assistant stoped us and asked about our accident. Then she told us about one she had been in and showed us the scar from the neck surgery she had a few years ago saying “it was a great decision and she was glad she went ahead with it.”
Off we went to go see the spine doctor as he walked in I could feel something wasn’t right he said surgery & I freaked out. I thought the doctor was going to tell me I just need a few weeks of physical therapy to get me out of the pain that I had been in for nearly 2 months. Then I almost passed out I got hot and ringing started in my ears. The nurses gave me gummies to calm me down ( how embarrassing). But as my body was panicking my mind was not – I could hear myself saying “just breathe, your being silly Chystal”.
Choosing to go through with it. I immediately had a peace (even while almost passing out ) about knowing I needed this surgery. I had been in enough pain for 2 months to know something wasn’t right and I wasn’t healing but I didn’t know why until then. I kept thinking if I get it – I can get back to living without pain. If I don’t get it and I need it and I take months choosing to put it off I’ll go into 2021 in pain and it will get worse. This year has been one heck of a year for all of us. So I prayed & fasted and God kept giving me the peace and telling me I already answered you clearly. Do it !
Other people- when I began telling people that I was going through with it they would give me there opinion or thoughts which was very interesting and taught me a huge lesson. God said “ yes do it and do it sooner rather than later” but then other people’s thoughts got in the way. So I began to get incredibly nervous. Did I choose right. I’ve made some bad decisions in my life – lord I hope this doesn’t fall into one of those that I wish I could rewind time. He kept saying “Do it” and giving me that peace that didn’t make any sense.
So here we go –
The morning of – we got up at 5:30am and headed that way . Again I was strangely OK. But then Covid-19 restrictions came into play – Eddie couldn’t even sit in the waiting room with me. Never mind come back and be there as they wheeled me in. So I began to Panic sitting there alone in the waiting room. Why am I doing this – you could just live with the pain instead of getting neck surgery. I thought long and hard about walking out as I sat there for what seemed like forever. But GOD I decided to open the Bible app and look up surgery on the study’s. I read day one and Felt goodness I’m silly – I’m not alone – that’s such a lie. I gave this to God …
“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” Proverbs 16:9
They brought me back had me put in my fancy gown. The nurse had me laughing and said “it wouldn’t be long”. So I went on to day 2 of the study “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” Psalms 46:1 !
My heart, soul, and mind were put at ease as God spoke to me about how I couldn’t mess this up …. that is no longer who I am and how He is in control anyways . As I laid there thinking about life, death, surgery, family, & friends God kept reminding me of who I am now. I’m chosen for this! Why this, God? Why now? Im alone again? I’ve felt alone a lot in my life. BUT GOD said
“do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
God was right there with me I could feel Him even though I was scared.
Hours of waiting now. They said “it wouldn’t be long a lot that morning”. I think it was close to 11 when they finally said “it’s time”. But GOD had more to share with me beforehand. I read through a 7 day study while waiting I sat with God in the waiting. I love that when we go to Him with anything and everything HE can handle it.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.””Joshua 1:9
The past year (or 10 really) of being very intentional with spending time with God – praying, worshiping, repenting, & fasting – I felt Him so close like I hadn’t ever before. I knew in a way I’ve never known before that He was right here with me.
Ohhh ok we are going back now – Getting on the operating table. That was interesting… they had me scoot over onto the table from the bed I was in. There were so many people in the room & it was so cold. I prayed as they put the mask on my face- a prayer I didn’t expect to pray – I heard myself say “God I ask that you use this for your glory”And I was out !
Then I woke up in a incredible amount of pain. I mean I expected pain but not that much. It was the worst pain I’ve have ever felt (and I had a baby all natural) …. the strange part was the pain was at its worst when I swallowed (WHY) – AND the stranger part was that it hurt my shoulder more than anything.
I found out that they stretch your neck long and to the side during this surgery and that pain is what is expected (wish they would have warned me, or maybe not). I didn’t know that until a few days later. I got as much meds as I could there ( begging for more pain meds is not something I’ve experienced until this car accident) and then they called my hubby. On our way home I honestly don’t remember anything except pain and questioning if this was gonna last forever ( I was thinking they must have messed something up in there for it to be this bad) .
I found out I had a drain in my neck – that they had to take out. My husband has a kidney pancreas transplant in 2013 and I had, had some experience with drains from that – which scared the crap out of me. ( It wasn’t as bad as I made it out to be in my mind, but the lady told me to inhale deep and I freaked because I was on an exhale NOT ready to inhale yet (duh))
The only thing I could manage to swallow was yogurt & apple sauce – however every sip of even just water would send stabbing pain down my neck, throat, & shoulder. I can’t even express how much it hurt. My sweet husband was incredibly patient with me – he would rub my feet as I tried to get anything into my stomach.
I lost complete track of time for about 5 days.
I knew friends were dropping off food and we had puppies downstairs that I was missing out on and wanted to see how they were doing. Eddie said “ every time he came upstairs I would ask – how are the puppies”?
I don’t remember what day it was but he brought one up to me and I knew Something was wrong with this one – it hurt to talk and breathe but I just knew something wasn’t right. That night we lost that sweet puppy. I was incredibly broken. So much – Sooooooo much pain in my body and now my heart ❤️ is crushed. As Eddie took care of everything whirling around us I laid there and wept and called out to God in agony ( in my thoughts because I couldn’t talk) “ Why so much – this is too much for me God- haven’t I gone through enough yet” I swear I heard Him say “ I’m here and you sweet girl are not alone”! I cried myself to sleep ( with Gilmore girls playing in the background- my go to show while i was in beds ps. its a great show to fall asleep to and wake up to in pain ).
Then another side effect was blurry vision! Which was something that scared me because I wasn’t sure if it would be permanent. (as I write this I still have some) I would be able to look at my phone for only a few seconds before I couldn’t see anything at all. This made me “see” understand, really for the first time, grasp how very important it is to write Gods word on your heart. All the studies all the time I had spent in the word – really chewing on it was so reviling when I couldn’t read it. The scriptures would pop in my mind and I would repeat them over and over again in my thoughts. I had prepared for this battle long before I fought it.
Healing and time – there where moments that I was terrified that these pains or symptoms were going to last forever. I even said “I wish I wouldn’t have done this surgery” to Eddie one day because I was being crushed by the weight of it all. Then time started to heal my body every morning I was able to do just a bit more then the day before!!! The morning I was able to walk to the bathroom by myself was AMAZING ( ohhh I didn’t mention I also got my period the day after my surgery. Ha ha hahhha) …. I felt like a new woman being able to sit down without Eddie having to help me and stand back up again without him having to lift me up. Although he was incredible and so kind during all of the things I needed, I am not one that likes to be taken care of!
Then came showers and taking the brace off. Which I thought would feel good but I was so afraid that I couldn’t enjoy it. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that fragile in my life. But now I’m able to shower alone ( well I still have someone in my bedroom just in case I fall or need something)! I can walk up and down the stairs with only one hand on the rail ( I hadn’t walked with two hands on the rail since I was a child 🤣. Very strange feeling)
I’m healing and I still need time and rest ( at least that’s what I feel like after doing ANYTHING) I have to wear this neck brace for a total of 8 weeks ( let me tell you, it’s not as comfortable as it looks – I have to wear it even to sleep) then Physical therapy after that. This journey is far from over but I have a new understanding of what people go through when they have surgery ( I had been on the care-taking side so many times and never knew) and I know that NO matter what the painful thing I’m walking through God is right here in a way I didn’t before!
Ohhh and that my husband is an angel sent to me directly from God – He handled EVERYTHING like it was a normal day, with grace and kindness and above all else love!
Also a shout out to my daughter my sweet girl was coming in and tidying up my room and doing so much while I was healing! My son was with grandma for the first 5 days so a hallelujah for my mama for taking care of him!
Thank you for your prayers- I KNOW God heard them! I’ve never had that many people praying for me at once!
God worked in and through you to encourage me and heal me! THANK YOU. Thank you!
ohhh one more very important thing – I can’t wait to do yoga …. through out the past 2 months and 2 more to go I have thought over and over how badly I want to move and stretch… I’ve probably thought 1000000 times HOW do people not do yoga – I CAN’T WAIT TO DO YOGA AGAIN and spend time mind BODY and soul with Jesus!!!